a time for everything

Hi friends. I was talking with my mom the other day, and I was telling her that after my last upload, I wasn't sure what to post on here. This coming April, it'll be three years since I've lost my grandmother on my mom's side--or as we call her, Nana. Naturally, I wanted to share about her and how she's influenced me. This brings me back to Ecclesiastes 3, because I feel as if there may never be a right or a perfect time to vulnerably share what I want to. But here I am, writing this, pouring my heart out about my Nana for the entire internet to have forever, yet somehow I have no regrets--because there is a time for everything.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NIV

"1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."

Ecclesiastes makes it clear that there is a time for everything under the sun, I guess that includes spilling your guts to the internet, right? If I'm being completely, brutally, and transparently honest, I don't know where I'd be without my Nana. I firmly believe that God works through people, certain people are put in your life for different reasons. Never in my life have I been more convinced that my Nana was put in my life to lead me to Christ than on the day of my baptism. However, to get to the baptism date, we have to go way back to the beginning.

For those that don't know, I was adopted. I was born in Knoxville, Tennessee, and when my family came to bring me home, Nana went with them. She was there from the start. Nana was always a woman of faith. She spent her entire life searching for the truth--for Jesus. That mindset and legacy were passed onto my mom, who later passed it onto my sister and I. Growing up, my sister and I were raised in your typical Christian home (which isn't a bad thing). We watched Veggie Tales, read the bible, and prayed. Nana was like that, too. If she hadn't given that to my mom, it never would have been given to me. That isn't the end of it, though.

I started studying the bible when I was a junior in high school. At the time, I wasn't serious about my relationship with God, but I wanted to understand who God really is and why a relationship with him is important. That year, I was the lead in my school's musical, Mary Poppins, so I had a lot on my plate. Then, in April 2018, Nana passed. That killed me. It may sound silly or stupid, but one of the things that killed me most was that she didn't get to see me perform in the musical that year. A few months earlier, when she was in the hospital, I went with my mom to visit her. I was telling her all about the show and how excited I was. She was genuinely looking forward to seeing me on the stage. I grew up doing theatre, so it's not like she had never seen me perform before, but to me, Mary Poppins was the first musical I'd done that she was familiar with, so having her in the audience was important. On top of that, her death was one that I dreaded when I was in high school. One of my biggest worries was that she wouldn't be there to see me graduate. Little did I know, I was right. As my life got busier with the musical and coping with her death, I chose to stop studying the bible for some time. I didn't know how long, but I knew I needed time.

That summer was the first time in around three or four years that I went to my church's summer camp--NETC, or teen camp. It was my senior year, so I decided to give it one last shot. As a small piece of Nana, I brought one of her empty notebooks with me so I could use it for notes. One morning, I was sitting by the lake with one of my friends, reading and analyzing the book of John, when I opened the back cover of the notebook, only to see a prayer, written by my Nana. I was speechless, she was crying out to God about how she wanted to seek the truth--if that isn't a sign, I don't know what is. That was the spark, that was what made me want to rekindle my relationship with God. I felt like he was actually talking to me, wouldn't you? When I came home from camp, I started to seriously pursue my relationship with God, and I was baptized on January 27, 2019. I've been a disciple of Jesus for two years, now.

If my Nana hadn't written that prayer, I don't know if I would be a disciple right now. I think this experience speaks for itself. God shows himself when we are in the deepest, darkest places. It may not feel like it, but he does. It reminds me of Exodus 14:14, specifically the New Living Translation Version.

Exodus 14:14 NLT

"The Lord will fight for you. Just stay calm."

Saying that God fought for me and continuously fights for me is an understatement. If he wasn't fighting for me, I never would have found that prayer. If it wasn't for my Nana, I might not be a disciple. If she hadn’t shared her faith with my mom, my mom would not be a disciple, and she wouldn’t have adopted my sister and I. So thank you, Nana, for seeking the truth, for encouraging my mom to seek the truth, and for inspiring me to do the same.

Much love,

Carolyn <3