long time, no see

Hello friends. My dearest and sincerest apologies. It has been far too long since I've posted on here, let alone written any drafts. I think it's time we had a heart to heart. 2020 was a long, tough year for everyone. The world faced a lot of loss, confusion, trauma--just a whole lot of bad. I think I speak for everyone when I say we really went through the trenches. No matter what battle you feel as though you faced in 2020, or the ones you're facing now, I wanted to say that I'm back. I haven't been on here since February 2020, coming up on one year ago. My unintentional hiatus from Serendipity started as writer's block. I had no idea what to write, because of course, I want to put out content that people enjoy reading. I figured that I would give it time, maybe an idea would come to me. That waiting period turned into a year, and as time went on, as 2020 fell apart in our hands, I found myself at a loss for words. I found myself wondering if I should say something about everything going on, but I felt as though it would never be the right thing to say, the right time, or if people had just forgotten about Serendipity. However, here I am, writing a post, choosing to accept that there may never be a right time, or if what I'm going to say will be the right thing.

I, just like many other human beings, fought some battles in 2020. In January, I had this thought that 2020 would be the year that I discovered the person that I want to be. Boy, was I wrong. In fact, I had the opposite experience. I think the hard, and often unfortunate truth for us to understand is that we can pray, cry, journal, and scream out to God for what we want--but there is no guarantee that it will be given to us. Because we have free will, it can be easy to convince ourselves that we are in complete control of our lives. But the hard truth to face is that God has always and will always know what's best for us, and we don't. There were a lot of things that I thought I wanted in 2020. Looking back, I realize that God knew better. Instead of embarking on this journey of self discovery, 2020 was the year that I learned about who I am. I learned a lot about the why behind many things in my life--why I feel the way I feel, why I react a certain way when I am hurt, why I am the way that I am. It was a hard year, there is no getting around that. By no means am I trying to diminish anybody's feelings--I get it. Understanding that God knows what's best for us while it feels like the world is falling apart is difficult. Trust me, I asked myself the question, too--if God knows best, why is all of this happening? I can't sit here and lie to you, saying I have the answer, because I don't. I don't know that I ever will. However, that's where faith comes in. In the past year, I added a new anchor scripture to my list, one that brought me comfort when I found myself asking that very question.

Hebrews 11:1 NLT

"Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; It is the evidence of things we cannot see."

It's simple, really. Faith is about having hope, even when you can't see the good. It's easier said than done, there's no getting around that. But I do know one thing, and 2020 made it clear in my life. Even when you are surrounded by the bad, there will always be a little bit of good. It could be anything, if you think about it. At the beginning of quarantine in March 2020, my small bit of good was my family, especially my dog. I was able to go on adventures with them, even if it was a small part of my day. Whether it was an afternoon bike ride, taking the dog for a walk, or baking a flourless chocolate cake with my sister, it was still good. I think that pointing out the good in your life is healthy, because it is so easy to be blinded. It is so unbelievably easy to focus on the bad, to be negative. When you stop and think about the good, even if it is the smallest thing you can think of, our focus shifts. We learn to appreciate the good, because it's always there. God is always going to be good, even if we don't see it--even when we don't get what we want. That's the reality. No matter the circumstance, you play the cards you've been dealt. I've always found that when you don't get what you want, you look back later and realize how the result was much better than it would've been had you gotten what you wanted. It's a hard truth to face, I'm still facing it myself. But through it all, God is good. He is good all the time, especially when we don't see it.

Much love,

Carolyn <3